As I said before there wasn't any close up with mini Falo since we were shooting on location and pressed on time. Basically, logic, since we took trouble to get in this great location we should take photos that utilise this BG. Close up and sweet photos can be done in other shoot like Elias's garage per usual lol. I like this version of Matin, the hair up is surprisingly really adorable, and I bet will get more mistaken as Gwendolyn if I do this at con LOL. I got problem with the clip pin I used for the Dahlia pins, like I can't believe it is so hard to insert the damn pin to the wig, while when the same concept with the old flowers hairpin one worked fine every single time! The problem is not the pin, but like unable to find section to stick the pin to?
At this point I am thinking of attaching the flower to that type of clip they use for ponytail wig thing, except in smaller size. My worry is if then attaching it will be a problem or not as the 'grip' part is covered by the flower and if the clip shows up or sticking up GAHHH Well I do have way much spare Dahlias in my disposal to create another sets of the hairpins, but it always break my heart a little when I have to chop the petals to make this huge dahlia pins ;A;
I guess the journey of keep refining Matin will goes on and on still. One more version to do that I am excited to cos, but I will take my time since I want it to come out satisfactory. I also has this idea for a shoot that I am now looking forward to do, but yeah, involve some more preparation time and planning than the usual shoot.
Unfortunately I can't upload others photos yet as my condition is bad. This really put me in very bad mood as well. Put under cut as rantings and whining after this.
At some point I know there is something wrong with me, I never fall in love and even not good with socialising and so i prepare to grow into old age as forever alone and just living my life in shame. If only I can at least excel in career then maybe it might sounds better, but again nope, I am mediocre in ability too. The very only thing my talented friends, seniors and all ever praise me is something along 'dedicated' or 'putting so much effort' or 'working hard' In which even though I know they don't mean bad, I always feel hurt when they say that since I take it as 'there is nothing to compliment in your work but here is a candy for trying so hard'
First time it was decided I am to work in the office I was crying as I was sad that this is it, I have to stop dreaming and just do this art thing as hobby or on the side. But deep down I am hoping even though not as full time job, maybe I can somehow grasp a once in a while freelance job, commission or actually publish my original comic as what I have been striving to all these times. Then BAMM RSI came and this is like a bad joke seriously. It really feels like God is in the way of giving me a slow painful death! Like, FINE I gave up my dream making a living as artist or being popular artist, but you don't even let me do this as a hobby as well?? Bloody hell, even daily life thing is not going well with this RSI! I went to see therapist as advised in hope it can help manage my depression with this, the lady keep saying that there is more to life than career or work...
WOMAN! I HAVE NOTHING ELSE! YOU DON'T UNDERSTANDDDD!!!
I am jealous and sad every time I see other people. Even ability to work hard and forcing myself to the limit is being taken away, I truly feels I am like a living corpse now. Every day I curse and frustrated with all of these things, but I know it is no one fault but me. I just can't help but feeling all these ugly emotions. I am sad, I am angry and I am just fucking scared....